Something New, Something Old. Something Flew, So Take Hold

Some say that those that say too much having nothing left to say at all. Others point out that those that don't say don't have practice saying, so when they want to they don't know how. Both views are valid in different ways, and I think what I take from them is, "Choose your words carefully, but don't be afraid of saying what needs to be said when the time comes."

Cause the time will come and the time will go, and you'll either be left wondering if you said the right thing, knowing that you did, or knowing that you didn't. Now, I should say here that I'm a divided man. I want to believe the latter point of view more, because it hits closer to home. I always have, and always will have, trouble saying what I want to say. I find it easier to remain silent and let the moment slip by. But I cannot ignore the former point of view either, because I feel that in forcing myself to say I'll forget and say too much. Also, it's wisdom mentioned in the Bible, and one ignores that at one's peril (Proverbs 10:19).

But I have been extremely blessed. After I gave myself over to God, He started looking after my words. I can still slip up, but too often I somehow manage to say the perfect thing. I know it's not me. I know me. God grants me the ability to communicate far more than I ever intend, getting across the message I didn't even know I needed to get across.

My favorite recent example of this happened in February. The time came and the time went and I know I said the right thing. It was dreadfully important to. So much so that I was getting goosebumps, shivering, and just generally feeling so anxious I couldn't think. Not the ideal set up for saying the right thing, right? But God pulled it off, and I'm forever thankful.

You see, I was going to propose. She's the dearest, sweetest, most understanding woman in the whole world, but I still needed it to be perfect. Because I knew how much it would matter to her. Woman, correct me if I'm wrong, but proposals, good or bad, are remembered forever. They can either be the cherry on top, the gorgeous diamond on the finger that crowns the relationship, or the half-hearted, almost deal-like dry handshake that sticks in one's craw. Not that a lot of that isn't mental acrobatics on the part of the female that they can turn upside-down if they so choose. But it needs to be said that it matters to them.

Therefore, it mattered to me too to make it perfect. I wanted to show her how much I cared in that momentous moment that would decide the direction of the rest of our lives. And God granted me success, past the goosebumps, through the shivering, and foregoing all anxiety. He got me dressed up, took me out into the snow, guided me down on one knee, and prompted me to ask the question that can never be taken back. That age old phrase that was so perfect in that moment, "Will you marry me?"

Everything that evening was perfect. Wonderful. We danced, we laughed, we took pictures. It was a gorgeous thing to be a part of, and I'm so thankful to God for giving me this wonderful woman as a part of my life. I do not deserve her, or the Grace that God works through me to treat her so gently, to treat her the way she ought to be treated.

Saying the right thing matters. It matters more than worrying about saying too much, and far more than worrying about saying too little. (Proverbs 25:11)

If Life Gives You Roses, Make Rosade.

I was going to write something fun and witty and happy here, but then my computer died as I began the first sentence. -_- My mood plummeted faster than the crown of a tree struck by lightning. Now all I want to write here is a snarky summary of the terrible series of events that led to my moody fall so that you'll pity me, understand my plight, and maybe even laugh along with my misadventures. That last one is probably the best I can hope for…

Needless to say, life hasn't handed me roses. It handed me lemons, then stole the sugar with a satanic laugh and a swirl of its black cape. Now, if you know me I like my sugar. Especially in my tea and my lemonade. In fact, I can't drink lemonade without sugar cause it just sets my teeth on edge.

I'm struggling with my mood, struggling with not telling all the woeful wrongs done to me right now… But you know what? I'm gonna let it go. All of it. Right now! I'm gonna take these lemons and make rosade! =D The devil can have that sugar, I'll just go get some more!

Too simple sounding, right? right. Well, God gives me the sugar. And the roses for that matter. People, I'm working on publishing my first book! That's right, publishing! Before you get too excited, I'm self publishing. And now before you get too dismissive I'm self publishing on Kindle! ^__^

Today, I started looking into the copyright laws in the US, UK, and Canada, and I hope to have a draft up on KDP by tonight! Scratch that, I will have it up! And you know the main reason why? It's because I realized why I must publish this book.

It came to me yesterday, but that's beside the point. For the longest time I've thought that the reason to publish was to succeed. To get paid for my hard work, and to have people like it. But I remembered yesterday how the book began (almost four years ago) and it made me realize that this goal with my book was not cutting it. That I was actually going to continue procrastinating publishing my book (yes, that's a confession) if the only reason to do so was to get famous and make money as an author.

You see, the book began as hope. It had its roots in innocence and got its source of nutrients from Love. More about all that in a later post. I had forgotten that! I had forgotten the original feel and vision of my book because of the overwhelming drive to succeed that permeates the very air we breathe in the world today. Now that I remember, though, I know what I must do. I have made rosade, and the purpose for doing so is so that I can share it with all.

That's what I've wanted from the beginning! To capture the feel that God gave me through the story and give it back out to anyone who reads it. That's what I want to do. That is my decided, and now stated, one and only goal with my book.

I want to share the hope of The Flying Fix-It Shop with anyone who cares to partake of it. I want to share the laughter and joy, the feeling of innocence and heart-touching that started it all. I wanted to capture it all in that book, and I realized that I would only ever willing let it go if I felt like I was sharing it with someone. So, that's the reason I shall publish this book.

And now I'm feeling happy again and back on track. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me roses. ^__^

Forgotten

It's a terrible thing to do, forget. But it's even worse to be. When you forget yourself… That's the worst of both worlds.

Today, I remembered deep, azure skies. Thick, white mountains of cloud drifting by. I remembered a warm wind, a ghost of it at the back of my mind. But above it all, I remembered a younger heart. My heart. There was peace there, and a warmth that made the wind feel chill. The smile it recalls is soft and easy. There is a hope that radiates out of my heart, a fire that seems unquenchable. How can I have forgotten?

Life, it seems. I let it run me over trying to stay on top. I forgot that day in August, somehow… But God brought it back to mind today. That hope, that fire, that happy smile. It's mine again, and I feel like I'm ready to tackle anything. ^__^

Sweet, Sour, Happy, Sad

A breath of silver
A breath of gold,
Something precious
Never told.

There's pain in their hearts
And blood on their hands!
Someday will come
Your reprimands!

A choice word spoken
Is better than life.
And the silence broken
Will mend much strife.

But your eyes are averted
You don't know such things.
The callous in your eyes,
The cold that it brings…

Look For Me Past The Emerald Hills

    I stepped down the stairs. (Or did I float?) The jaded halls were nothing more than color to me, and it made me laugh. Tear-drop stains on mahogany rugs give me shivers of half sympathy, half joy. The window at the bottom of the spiral slid open without a sound.
    People say, "Life is but a dream," but what they really mean is, "What is life without dreams?" A monotonous stream of forgettable instances that never really mattered in the first place? What are dreams, then? There are those you have and those you want, if you know what I mean.
    Do you know? The street lights claimed to, as I drifted passed. "The sky's the limit!" they say as well, but they never say where it begins. The stars seem so close in their artificiality, but the enormity of their reality is truly so far away. But I can travel there in the blink of an eye…
    There are the hills, and I stray from my meanderings. Do I know it all? Do I know enough? No, and yes, respectively. There's the bus, crying mournfully as it comes to rest. The rain falls in patterns on the funny little roofs here… Now the hills are much closer.
    What do I know enough of? I know my Lord Jesus. And He knows me.
    Such hills! They must have a spring under them somewhere. They're such a deep green they must glow! (In this dusk, at least.) I'm making for them properly now. The bus has rumbled to life again and its eyes go dancing away into the rain.
    I don't pretend to ramble, I do ramble. And such nonsense, too! I should get points for that. But you'll get points if you know what I mean. That is, if you do… Feelings are sometimes such hard things to grasp, and all the time even harder to touch on.
    It's far easier to float with them, as I do now. I'm among the hills. Life calls out to me, calling His name. Once a bare hill outside Jerusalem, now lusher with Life than the liveliest of men. He who seeks to save his life dreams for himself, but he who loses himself lives Life's dreams. The great success of men are the simplest plans of God.
    So, I dream and I float, but I'm not long gone. Only a stone's throw away, far past the Emerald Hills. Don't worry for me, I'll wake with the dawn. On the crystal clear day, somewhere past the Emerald Hills.

Blogging, A Dead Horse

You, all of you, have no idea how many of these blog entries I want to begin with, "Okay, so…" and then go on to make profuse apologies about one thing or another that I have failed at miserably at. It happens more times than I can count, except that the reason I was going to start this blog entry with regretful mourning sorta precludes that from being true… (It's only really true because I do it across more than one medium.)

You see, I am tearfully sorry that I have failed to crank out blog entries more often. But instead of saying all that (oh, too late…), I'm going to focus on praising. Yes, the positive instead of the negative, you say. That's part of it, but really praising is the reason I started this particular blog entry. Frankly, I've had a wonderful day and I would like to thank God publicly for making it so.

I was terrified of today. I wanted it not to happen. But, it did, and I pulled myself out of bed at 4 AM still terrified. So, right after I hit the alarm clock, I got on my knees and gave the day away. I gave it to God because I could see no good coming of it if I went at it alone. I knew I had to preform a little better, a little faster today then I had previously, and I knew I didn't have it in me at all. So, I thanked God for the day, I gave it away to Him (after all, it was rightfully His anyways. He brought it into being, made it be), and prayed fervently that He would empower me to get through it all better, faster, and in a way pleasing Him and glorifying to Him.

And He fully, and completely answered those prayers. He gave me love for my work and co-workers that felt odd, but made me smile. He granted me joy in a joyless situation (I got to work and the manager didn't show up, making it impossible to get in and prep for opening! =D). He filled me with peace as we worked through the emergency. He bestowed on me patience far above what I could ever produce. He made me feel kind, and I sincerely hope it showed through me (because, folks, that wasn't me). I sincerely believe that He accomplished something good with me today, which makes me giddy. He made in me more faithfulness then this fickle human being could ever have imagined. He changed my approach, made it gentle and soft. And He grew in me a self-control that made ever decision a firm resolve.

And that's about all I can say. God is so completely amazing. I gave Him the day, and He gave it right back to me. ^__^ It was an awesome day, thanks alone to my Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You.

Glow

So you know
Where you go
When you glow
In the dark,
But you can't glow in the dark alone.

So your tears come down
Your cries come out,
Letting them see
The living doubt,
That you must be and own.

"Help my unbelief"
You tearfully call,
Make me see
That you can do it all,
That you wipe away my fall.

So I know
That I glow
Wherever I go
In this dark,
'Cause I'm reminded I'm never alone.