Change

Where are the dust moats, that hung in the air?
Where are the sailboats that floated by the Sare?
The children are gone, their songs are sung.
The clocks are dead, the chimes all rung.

The wind is blown out, the leaves have turned.
And the hearts of men doubt what they have learned.
Knowledge is passing, prophecies few…
What is there that lasts longer than dew?

We yearn for eternal, but what ever is?
Nothing but Love and this we miss.
We don't want to change, but change we will.
And He that will never we long to change still.

Broken is Folly, yet we cling to her to define.
Having given up on changing to find the Divine.
We excuse ourselves with lymrics, with our clever rhymes.
And think ourselves justified by voicing the sign of the times.

"Two things are forever, and these two will never change!
The unlimitedness of God's perfection and man's limits in that range."
But while this is true, there's something that sets us free.
God can get us through to where we're supposed to be!

Unchanging, we are changed. Insane, we find our minds.
Eternal Love came from eternity to open eyes so blind.
We are raised from our graves, in an instant transformed.
With man this is impossible, but with God nothing is forlorn.

What's Free?

I'm in the last steps. This journey is so close to finished. Everything is falling into place, changing and molding into what it has to be. I'm literally a click away from publishing (although I still need those URLs and stuff up first…) but suddenly I pause. My expectations over the last month have been shattered and re-worked and forced to given in here and take more there, but this last give makes me stop. It's about price.

It seems that I can't put my Kindle up for free on Amazon… The lowest I can go is $0.99. After all the angsting I did over motives, and deciding that publishing my book would not be about money I find it very annoying that this is a snag. I had wanted to put my book up for free for the first month, just to let it get out there and clearly say, "look, this isn't about money for me, it's about communicating the hope freely given to me." But now I'm thwarted…

I'm gonna Do more research before I give up, but for now it looks like the beginning price is gonna have to be $0.99.

Into The Fog Flavored Milkshake We Fall

It was more of a float, which is almost a way of describing it all. Almost, but not quite. So we do this fog filled dance, asking questions like: "Why no lemon?" "Who is that six-foot bunny?" "And what's that funny smell in the room?"

In the long term, though, I'd like to address world hunger, brain freeze, and brain burn. World Hunger, I'm so sorry for your loss. Brain Freeze, if you stop paying the rent, I can throw you out. Brain Burn, What about the old stand by, 'Ode to Joy'? No? Oh, well. I don't know what to say…

The fog is lifting… I can almost see enough to land this thing on the Danube. Now, here's hoping the water ain't choppy.

The last preparations are going in, and one of the last things needs doing is buying URLs. Sadly, that's a bit of a wild card.

You see, I need the consultation of my brother. And he's in Cleveland. You also, surely by now, see how much I say, 'you see,' don't you? Or do you? You would if you'd seen the bunny… Was his name Harvey? Or Frank…?

So, basically, I need to work out a time we can both (my brother and I) work this out. But, since everything has been falling together like fog flavored milkshakes through one's brain, my main focus is gonna be keeping my reasons straight. The reason for publishing. The reason for working. The reason for waking up each morning. And the reason for not drinking milkshakes. The reason is my Blessed Redeemer, Jesus Christ. You are my God and my Rock and my Light. You, alone, shine through the thickest of my fogs. Flavored, or no.

Don't Look A Blog Horse In The Mouth. Or In The Eyes, For That Matter

Folks, hopefully within a week, two at most, I will have my book up on Kindle! The Flying Fix-it Shop has been a long time coming, but it's made for a lot of practice in a lot of areas. Writing, first and foremost, but also editing and collaborating and I can't ignore the learning process of venturing into Kindle Direct Publishing for the first time.

Today (right now) I'm looking into a navigable table of contents that will make my e-book an breeze to read. Hopefully… it will be easy. Sadly, it will not. I have found out that I need to painstakingly go through my book document and make my chapters a specific heading number, which requires changing the font back and the font size back and the alignment back and taking it off bold. Soooooo frustrating! Luckily, I only have 23 chapters. …I need a break.

Finally! That only stole about two hours of my life (the table of contents, that is, not the break). And I'm still not sure it worked right… The links are clickable, working fine and everything, but for heaven's sake don't try to change the background color. -_- Anyways, I should go mow the lawn. I'm sure my troubles with the Table of Contents have only just begun, and I need something to take my frustration out on.

Something New, Something Old. Something Flew, So Take Hold

Some say that those that say too much having nothing left to say at all. Others point out that those that don't say don't have practice saying, so when they want to they don't know how. Both views are valid in different ways, and I think what I take from them is, "Choose your words carefully, but don't be afraid of saying what needs to be said when the time comes."

Cause the time will come and the time will go, and you'll either be left wondering if you said the right thing, knowing that you did, or knowing that you didn't. Now, I should say here that I'm a divided man. I want to believe the latter point of view more, because it hits closer to home. I always have, and always will have, trouble saying what I want to say. I find it easier to remain silent and let the moment slip by. But I cannot ignore the former point of view either, because I feel that in forcing myself to say I'll forget and say too much. Also, it's wisdom mentioned in the Bible, and one ignores that at one's peril (Proverbs 10:19).

But I have been extremely blessed. After I gave myself over to God, He started looking after my words. I can still slip up, but too often I somehow manage to say the perfect thing. I know it's not me. I know me. God grants me the ability to communicate far more than I ever intend, getting across the message I didn't even know I needed to get across.

My favorite recent example of this happened in February. The time came and the time went and I know I said the right thing. It was dreadfully important to. So much so that I was getting goosebumps, shivering, and just generally feeling so anxious I couldn't think. Not the ideal set up for saying the right thing, right? But God pulled it off, and I'm forever thankful.

You see, I was going to propose. She's the dearest, sweetest, most understanding woman in the whole world, but I still needed it to be perfect. Because I knew how much it would matter to her. Woman, correct me if I'm wrong, but proposals, good or bad, are remembered forever. They can either be the cherry on top, the gorgeous diamond on the finger that crowns the relationship, or the half-hearted, almost deal-like dry handshake that sticks in one's craw. Not that a lot of that isn't mental acrobatics on the part of the female that they can turn upside-down if they so choose. But it needs to be said that it matters to them.

Therefore, it mattered to me too to make it perfect. I wanted to show her how much I cared in that momentous moment that would decide the direction of the rest of our lives. And God granted me success, past the goosebumps, through the shivering, and foregoing all anxiety. He got me dressed up, took me out into the snow, guided me down on one knee, and prompted me to ask the question that can never be taken back. That age old phrase that was so perfect in that moment, "Will you marry me?"

Everything that evening was perfect. Wonderful. We danced, we laughed, we took pictures. It was a gorgeous thing to be a part of, and I'm so thankful to God for giving me this wonderful woman as a part of my life. I do not deserve her, or the Grace that God works through me to treat her so gently, to treat her the way she ought to be treated.

Saying the right thing matters. It matters more than worrying about saying too much, and far more than worrying about saying too little. (Proverbs 25:11)

If Life Gives You Roses, Make Rosade.

I was going to write something fun and witty and happy here, but then my computer died as I began the first sentence. -_- My mood plummeted faster than the crown of a tree struck by lightning. Now all I want to write here is a snarky summary of the terrible series of events that led to my moody fall so that you'll pity me, understand my plight, and maybe even laugh along with my misadventures. That last one is probably the best I can hope for…

Needless to say, life hasn't handed me roses. It handed me lemons, then stole the sugar with a satanic laugh and a swirl of its black cape. Now, if you know me I like my sugar. Especially in my tea and my lemonade. In fact, I can't drink lemonade without sugar cause it just sets my teeth on edge.

I'm struggling with my mood, struggling with not telling all the woeful wrongs done to me right now… But you know what? I'm gonna let it go. All of it. Right now! I'm gonna take these lemons and make rosade! =D The devil can have that sugar, I'll just go get some more!

Too simple sounding, right? right. Well, God gives me the sugar. And the roses for that matter. People, I'm working on publishing my first book! That's right, publishing! Before you get too excited, I'm self publishing. And now before you get too dismissive I'm self publishing on Kindle! ^__^

Today, I started looking into the copyright laws in the US, UK, and Canada, and I hope to have a draft up on KDP by tonight! Scratch that, I will have it up! And you know the main reason why? It's because I realized why I must publish this book.

It came to me yesterday, but that's beside the point. For the longest time I've thought that the reason to publish was to succeed. To get paid for my hard work, and to have people like it. But I remembered yesterday how the book began (almost four years ago) and it made me realize that this goal with my book was not cutting it. That I was actually going to continue procrastinating publishing my book (yes, that's a confession) if the only reason to do so was to get famous and make money as an author.

You see, the book began as hope. It had its roots in innocence and got its source of nutrients from Love. More about all that in a later post. I had forgotten that! I had forgotten the original feel and vision of my book because of the overwhelming drive to succeed that permeates the very air we breathe in the world today. Now that I remember, though, I know what I must do. I have made rosade, and the purpose for doing so is so that I can share it with all.

That's what I've wanted from the beginning! To capture the feel that God gave me through the story and give it back out to anyone who reads it. That's what I want to do. That is my decided, and now stated, one and only goal with my book.

I want to share the hope of The Flying Fix-It Shop with anyone who cares to partake of it. I want to share the laughter and joy, the feeling of innocence and heart-touching that started it all. I wanted to capture it all in that book, and I realized that I would only ever willing let it go if I felt like I was sharing it with someone. So, that's the reason I shall publish this book.

And now I'm feeling happy again and back on track. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me roses. ^__^

Forgotten

It's a terrible thing to do, forget. But it's even worse to be. When you forget yourself… That's the worst of both worlds.

Today, I remembered deep, azure skies. Thick, white mountains of cloud drifting by. I remembered a warm wind, a ghost of it at the back of my mind. But above it all, I remembered a younger heart. My heart. There was peace there, and a warmth that made the wind feel chill. The smile it recalls is soft and easy. There is a hope that radiates out of my heart, a fire that seems unquenchable. How can I have forgotten?

Life, it seems. I let it run me over trying to stay on top. I forgot that day in August, somehow… But God brought it back to mind today. That hope, that fire, that happy smile. It's mine again, and I feel like I'm ready to tackle anything. ^__^