Friday, May 11, 2012

What You Mean To Me

The clouds drift on by, the moon is gleaming bright above. Ink pools around it and all the smaller points of light that are the stars. The stars… How many are there? My heart is melting, someone's smelting. To tell me these tears of joy are shed in vain would make me laugh.

I can't convey, more than the ocean can say, how deep are the depths or how much salt it holds. Can I make out the dimmest stars? Can I see what they do? Can I tell who they are? Can I tell if it's you? Let me tell you a story, let me sing you a song. Just twenty-one years, is that so long?

How can I thank you all, or let you know what you've meant? How much breath would it take, is it time well spent?

…The answer is yes. You are all my stars that God has dotted in my sky, and I'll take comfort in that fact till the day I die.

Mom, I can't say how much you've meant to me. You've always been willing to teach even when I wasn't willing to learn. You were always more patient with me than I deserved, and I like to think I've returned the favor. ;) You're the best mom in the whole wide world, and that's never going to change. Because you taught me, more than anything else, how to love.

Alice, you're nearer and dearer than I think even you know. You were my first best friend, you were the first one I ever gladly listened to. I believe you touched my heart, sister, and I think I definitely touched yours. What I saw there will always be my secret and something I'll never quite fathom. All sparkles and star bursts and beautiful light.

Alex, its been rough, but I've always secretly enjoyed our disastrous adventures. And even I didn't always laugh, I did always smile. Thank you for being the wild card when I needed one, and showing me the rock when I needed that too.

Peter, I shall always consider you a near and dear companion on this road we're traveling. You helped me to learn to communicate, through all the tears and struggles, laughter and dreams. I saw your darkest side, and I saw you let God blow him away. I'll never forget that as long as I live.

Dad, how many lessons have you taught me without knowing I was even paying attention? You've led me along these treacherous paths, teaching me how to be cautious and what pitfalls to avoid. God has shaped me through you as iron on iron, and I am and always will be proud to be called your son. Because, more than anything else, you taught me humility.

Susie, girl, you're like the twin I never had. We screamed, we fought, we laughed, we cried. I speak your language best of all five, sister, and it makes me smile even now thinking of things we can say without saying a thing. Our journey hasn't seemed so long, but what I've learned from you is gold: how to give one's self away and live every day in the Spirit of God. Granted, we're still learning, but I know you'll always inspire me and I hope I do the same for you.

Rachael, my love, you mean more to me than life itself. You're my fare haired beauty, my strong right hand. I love our chats and I love our walks. I love writing with you and dancing with you. I love listening to you and talking at you. God gave my heart away to and I'll never get it back. That fact makes me happier than anything else in the whole world. I want to marry you, sweetstuff. I want to grow old with you and dance forever. <3

Hatter, you're an awesome, close friend. I couldn't ask for better. You catch more than I could ever throw, and, just so you know, you're the first. I love the laughs we've had, as well as the really strange conversations. I hope you'll always stay close, even if we're miles away.

Tall PM, you push and inspire me. Watching and listening to you I've learned more than I ever did in college. You have an amazing heart, wrought with fire by God. You make me yearn for the same. I hope to always learn from you and help you, as well as get help, with writing. You have my deepest respect, sir.

Daniel G, you make me laugh. You've expanded my horizons in good ways, even though you feel so much younger than me. You're a dear friend, and a thoughtful one. Our conversations have gone far and wide, although they don't always feel very real. They're getting there, though. You're an invaluable ally and I hope you see me as the same.

Isaac P, you amaze me. All you've done… I almost wish I'd grown up as fast as you. Man, you are truly a great friend, and I want someday to prove myself the same.

Mariel 7, your wry humor was so much fun. Our opinions might not have always lined up, but you were an inspiration to me. Even though we've fallen out of touch I hope you hold most of the memories of me as fondly as I do those of you. I shall always be glad that we got to be friends.

Dragon, thank you for everything. No matter what happened, I can still smile thinking about all the fun we had. All the adventures we played at… God taught me how to properly dream through you, and how to hope for what may seem impossible. You were always a better friend than you were anything else, and I feel privileged to know you that way.

Preacherman, how dangerously strong you are… I wonder if you know? You have the heart of a lion, and God will use you for great things. Abide in Him and He will make you more fruitful than anyone else. You inspire me to run courageously. I'm so thankful that God let me get to know you.

How can I say everything? I can't. And I feel far too inadequate to tell everyone even the little bit that I've said here. Mike, Kevin, Vince, words fail to convey what you guys' friendship has meant to me. Collision (all the original people along with those that have clung on till the present), Co-op friends, my Church family, how can I put what you've all meant to me? Can I tell you all how God has used you, time and time again, to light my sky like a million different stars? Anyone who has brushed my shoulder, or blindly bumped into my heart… I want to say thank you. Thank you all for letting God use you.

Someday I'll have all the words. Someday I'll remember every event, every instant that God used you all to light up my world. I'll be able to say thank you in person, and the glory will go to God, and we'll all laugh and cry together over every instant like it in everyone's life who ever was or will be. We'll finally be able to see each other's hearts, and by than God will have made them gold.

1 comment:

  1. What a wonderful blog. So often we don't tell people what they've meant to us until it's too late. I'm so glad that you've made an opportunity to tell people now, when it truly matters. It's a blessing to me, and I'm sure it is to everyone you mention.
    God is just so good to us. He puts special people into our lives to do His work.You've been so very dear to me in so many ways, I couldn't possible put them all down, even if I had a book to fill. I've watched you grow from "Someday I'll be a knight," to an actual Knight in service of the King. I love you!